January 22nd, 2015

Today I'm turning 20! I feel so old. Haha. Now I know how it feels when people like to pretend their age is below 20 or so happy if someone thought their age is below 20. Actually there's sadness in turning 20 because it means you have more responsibilities, need to think about future (where I'm going to work, what job that I want to take, think about who will be my spouse, etc). You also forced to be more mature than when you're still teenager. To be honest, I'm not ready for this. But day by day I wanna learn how to think and feel like I'm 20. I wanna be tougher and wiser than before.

This is really such a grace and blessing I'm still here after all of those things happened to me. I'm so blessed beyond compare and measure. God's grace keeps me alive until now (really, I can live until now only because of God's grace). Words can't explain how blessed I am. In my 20th, I wanna be a blessing for many people around me more. I wanna be a living proof that God is alive and He loves you and me so much. And also, I wanna be top fashion blogger that can earn money from this blog hahaha. I'll be so happy when all these things come true. Let's take a look on my birthday pictures! Here we go.

With my beloved dog <3

Candid.

Made by my beloved friend <3

Let us take a selfie :P

My favorite picture. I look so happy in this picture <3

Anyway, I have story to tell you about my birthday. Yesterday I got a news that I failed on final exam which means I didn't pass the subject. This made me so sad. This is one of the sadest feeling ever and this is the thing that I'm afraid the most (fail the subject). I used to think that I don't want to be born and I hate my birthday so much. Can you imagine if tomorrow is your birthday and you hear the news that you fear the most? It sucks you know. But I still wanna say God is good all the time. In any condition of my life, God is good and I wanna be grateful even though this thing happened in my life.

Then today is the D-day. Oh I forgot to tell you. I really wanna have foil balloon on my birthday since it's on trend when someone's birthday, their friends give her the foil balloon to celebrate or give her surprise. Since my friends can't give me, I bought it for myself (I bought it number 20). Honestly I'm quite sad because I hope my friends give me that balloon (but nevermind, I'm happy now). Then today when I pumped the balloon, one of them exploded because I pumped it too long. Can you imagine how sad I am. I really want to have that kind of balloon and now it exploded. So I taped that balloon hopefully it will functioning like normal again, but it wasn't. So I still got a number "2" that not exploded, the exploded one was number 0. After I pumped it (and success), I left it and took a bath. When I back, the number "2" balloon blew out. I didn't understand how to made this balloon stay longer. But i still can use it tho. So I sticked both of them on the wall with some banners that said "happy birthday". And on the same day, there's long heavy rain in Jakarta and it caused traffic so bad. So one of my friend that promised me wanna come at 11 am (because she wanted to help me decorate the room, came at 5 pm because of this sucks traffic. Can you imagine how many hours she stucked on the traffic jam? Then my anemia relapsed also. I couldn't stand up just for 5 minutes when I pumped those balloons, felt like I almost fainted. What a perfect birthday. This is the 4th time I cried on my birthday since I was kid.

I forgot to tell you again, I had a little birthday party on my house and I invited my best friends to came over to my house and celebrate it together. Then after I prepared everything (only the balloons that I prepared), my friends gave me surprise. One of my friend that told me she couldn't come, came to my house with my another friend and they brought a super duper yummy cake made by my friend. Isn't it lovely? At first they wanted to give me surprise when all of my friends came, but some of them trapped on traffict jam so they couldn't come earlier. So just 2 of my friends that gave me surprise.

....And they succeed make me happier. Then after one more friend arrived at my house, they helped me to decorate the room. And after all of my friends arrived at my house, we started to eat pizza. We ate pizza, ice cream, fried noodle, birthday cake, and drink yakult and sarsaparilla. We're all so full until couldn't eat anymore. We had fun today. We took some pictures and talked about anything. So my gloomy day turned happy when I spent time with my beloved besties <3 Well, it such a blessing having best friends like them. I love them so much. Words can't describe how much I love them. They're like my own family, a home to share everything in my life. I feel blessed to have them, they're the only friends who can accept me for who I am (I guess so because they know my dark side and everything happened in my life, I always told them but they still wanna be my friends). Some of them are my best friends since 7 years ago and as I remember, we've never had a fight or conflict.

Sorry for the long caption because I'm so happy right now haha. I want to forget about all my problems for a while and be happy. That's all what I can say about my birthday. Thank you for reading :)