Tuesday, 10 November 2015

Happiness?


Nowadays I'm kinda stress with everything. Want to read more about my story? Let's click read more to read it further! :)


I always say 'black is my happy colour', but not for this time. I'm wearing black outfit and I want to tell you sad story (for me this is sad). So here's my story...

My significant other has terminal illness. It makes me so damn sad, I even cry everytime I remember about him. I love him so much eventhough sometimes he makes me upset. I'm so much afraid if one day God takes his life (I DO really hope and pray it won't happen). Losing the people that I really love is one of my BIGGEST fears. I won't be ready for it forever. I have faith that he will totally healed soon despite of my fear of losing him. Just can pray for the best. I believe God has the best plan for us, we only need to have faith in Him and pray. I want to let His will be done in this thing, not my will. My feeling was mostly sad and it overwhelmed me for more than 1 month since he went to overseas for medication. Sorry I can't tell you who is the person, but you can guess it by yourself.

So many another things make me sad. I feel like have no strength to fight this feeling anymore. I overthink everything. I make things become complicated. I make small problems become big. It's like everything makes me sad. Thank God I'm not depressed in this time, just sad feeling. I often think about my past and it also makes me sad (I know I shouldn't think and be sad of my past because the past is in the past). I'm afraid of my future because next year I'll graduate and have to think about where to work, what kind of job that I want, or should I study again, what major that I want to take, etc. Also I'm under pressure because of my pre-thesis (in Bahasa: proposal skripsi). The words that keep replaying on my mind is: don't act like I don't have God. I need to trust Him, totally surrender and release everything to Him. I realize that nowadays I rely on my own strength, not God. That's why I'm tired of controlling this negative feelings and thoughts.

And I got so angry with my friend who told my another friend about my secret, a secret that I even still can't accept why it had to happen to me. She betrayed me too by telling others about my weakness (actually I've changed, but she talked like I haven't changed at all in front on my friends) and telling them that she didn't like me. The stupid thing was my other friends trusted her bullshit and it made them become dislike me. But in front of myself, she is so kind, it's like I don't have any problem with her and indeed, I don't have problem with her but she is backstabbing me. She doesn't has close friend so she wants to get friends by exchanging people's secrets or even slander people to be accepted by people whom she told the secrets with. Not only me who became the victim, some of my friends also did. But I forgive her because I'm forgiven by God. It's not fair if I don't forgive her because my mistakes and sins are way much greater than some mistakes that she did to me, yet God forgives me. I also want to practice love to her by praying for her. Love keeps no record of wrong. Forgiving people who hurt me doesn't change them, but it changes and heals my heart. Hating people means like you're swallowing poison but you hope other people die because of the poison that you swallow.















Top: Carla

Jeans: Forever 21

Infinity scarf: H&M

Hat: Bershka

Shoes: Nike

37 comments:

  1. I know how it feels, if i'm you, i could be mad more than you did. But stay smile and gorgeous as you way Liv, have faith:)
    Me likey that look and also the poses.

    KIKO,
    http://rizmr.blogspot.co.id

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  2. Hey there, mostly worst situation would lead you to be a wiser one. Hope things go well with your special person and good luck with your pre-thesis, I think those two are things that need your concern more.

    Keep praying , God never leaves you.

    Anyway, nice outfit there ^^
    follow your vlog #ClozetteStar

    A Blog By Noniq

    ReplyDelete
  3. i'm so sorry but you gotta be strong. everything happens for a reason and probably God's giving you a test at everything. believe something good will come for you. you just need to be strong and keep praying. oh, your friend there who spilled your little secret, forgive them and probably it'll be best for you to stay away from them (since they're not good for you). so cheer up!!<333

    xo
    Pretty Messed Up | NEW POST | FIRMOO GIVEAWAY

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  4. oh dear, I'm so sorry to know this... I understand the feeling. Hope it all gets better really soon :) be strong!! xoxo

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  5. whatever happen to you rite now will pass soon livv~ stay strong and i'm so sorry to know this :(
    btw you look so cool <33

    cheer, michelle ~ http://livedreammagic.blogspot.com/

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  6. your outfit is as great as your mind <3
    stay positive, always
    good things will happen

    x,
    soniatahir.blogspot.co.id

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  7. Amazing outfit! You looks beautiful! Love your hat!!
    Xoxo,
    Love from www.trangscorner.com {a lifestyle, fashion, beauty, and food blog}

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  8. I hope he gets well soon so you can enjoy some quality time with him. Some of my friends have backstabbed me too. I hate it but in the end I still choose to forgive them. I hope you're okay now. :)

    Have a nice day!

    xoxo,
    SHAIRA
    www.missdream-girl.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. stay strong liv !! if you have any concern or story to share, just remeber i will always be there for you. no matter what happen, you will always have your GOOD FRIENDS by yourside :* LOVE YOU !!

    www.mariaistella.blogspot.com

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  10. NICE SHOES
    http://melodyjacob1.blogspot.com/2015/11/best-way-to-style-denim-dress.html

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  11. What a great laid-back look! Love your Nike sneakers!
    Fashion Soup

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  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. I totally feel you when you said that you overthink everything. I also do that like a lot. The smallest thing could become the biggest thing inside my head. I also worry about my future too. I want to finish my thesis quickly, so I could graduate on March. But I also want to continue my study aboard. And if I graduated on march, I wouldn't have enough time to prepare for my next study. But if I graduated on September, I had to wait another year to continue my study. Should I get a job while waiting that another year? We all know that getting a job is not that easy. But if somehow I managed to continue my study aboard soon after I graduated, I would be more afraid. This time my worry would come because I'm afraid I couldn't have a friend soon, and I would be all alone in people's land. (trust me, it's more complicated than what I said. If your overthinking mind got more and more confused and worry about your future because of what I just said, please don't blame me)
    But anyway, if you finally decided what to do after you graduated, please kindly tell me. I'm looking for a friend to go study aboard together T.T

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  14. Black is my happy colour too! Really like your outfit with basic clothes but lots of essence, kisses from
    http://lilbourne.blogspot.com.es/

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  15. Please stay strong and keep your faith stronger. You are not alone. My prayers and thoughts are with you olivia! :)

    -Eva M.
    www.evaaguspina.blogspot.com

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  16. I really love you :) I see you for a long time, I'm impressed!


    Can you follow me? I follow you :)
    If you comment my post, I will comment your five posts! :)

    http://www.sandrakopko.com/2015/11/dark-dots-dress.html

    ReplyDelete
  17. Nice post :)
    Happy Sunday!

    http://itsmetijana.blogspot.rs/

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  18. I'm sorry to hear that :(
    Anyways great post, I love your shoes :)
    Blue Ducklings
    http://www.blueducklings.wordpress.com

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  19. You look so cool !
    xoxo,

    http://atwednesdaysiwearpink.blogspot.pt/

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  20. what a great post ! beautiful pics ! keep working dear ! blog is interesting

    www.madamedaria.blogspot.com ! if u like my blog just follow me and i will follow u back asap

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  21. Great casual look!
    Happy sunday,
    xoxo
    http://stylishpatterns.blogspot.com.es

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  22. You look so cute! I love your outfit!

    http://MARTASFASHIONDIARY.com/the-streets-of-rome/

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  23. Stay strong!

    I love your shoes too, by the way.

    Great blog
    xoxo,
    http://petitemaisonoffashion.blogspot.com/ ♥

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  24. Stay strong , Oliv.

    Everyone has that kind of moments when everything feels wrong, and you feel so sad and down. But believe me, everything gonna be better. Not now, and I can't tell you how and when it will. But I believe you'll find the way for it, by yourself. Cause you know what the best for yourself. And I believe that God will never left you, and He'll be beside you too for trough all these shitty things that happens.

    Xx,
    Characlaire.blogspot.com

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  25. stay strong oliv! you can get through this :) hope everything works out in the end..
    www.rebelrebel.co x

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  26. Thanks for sharing. I believe in putting the man up above first and all will fall into place. Keep positive thoughts and surround yourself with those that possess positive energy. Visit our blog for a chance to WIN 3 pairs of sunglasses.

    http://www.eyefeelshady.com/blog

    ReplyDelete
  27. Such a cool street look! You are rocking it! Glad I found your blog!

    xx jess
    www.goldenswank.com

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  28. Love your street style…
    I followed you ,follow me back?

    Check out my new post: www.fantailflo.com

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